Commish Recap Week One

What a week one we had in the NEL. Let me start off congratulating this weeks Weekly High Challenge Winner, NY Cmen. Congrats, good matchup. See you in 12 weeks Greco. I really, didn’t see this happening at all. Not gonna lie. Thought Cmen was just ok. I guess he proved me wrong. Well, there still more football for Owner Greco to live up to the name…. Ok. He might actually get the weekly low this week, and balance out.

I would like to thank everyone that came out to the 1111 Dome this weekend. We laughed, we cried, we all watched Matza Balls’ team collapse in our very own eyes. We manage to get 150 text messages in a NEL group when more then 75% of the league was present in the 1111 Dome. I don’t get that? How is that even possible? Fucking Ryder.

Chanx Vs Matza Balls - What a non-exciting match-up between these two mega powers of fantasy football. MB and Chanx have become bitter enemies over the years, so it’s kinda sad that this match up didn’t live up to its hype. I was hoping both teams could have put up monster numbers and compete for the weekly high. But, both teams decided to draft players either in rehab, in contract disputes or shooting steroids in his ass (Hi Nikita). The NEL chat would feel pretty empty if these two teams didn’t have their little one word feuds towards each other. Well, Goldie doesn't talks for hours. Goldberg just keeps going and defending his case on how Bell will return to the Steelers and clean house”You’ll See”. While, Goldie writes paraphrase defending his case, Duke hits him with his ‘one phrase bombs’ like “Bell never gonna play” or “Goldie and Spiro together forever”…. Goldie was honorary Jets fan Monday night. His evil Jewish smile was getting larger and larger, when he saw Stafford throw 4 INTs. I could only imagine the amount of frustrations coming from the Chanx camp. I could hear Pete now. “Stafford!! You fucking IDIOT!”. At least this matchup has a chance to redeem itself in week 12. Congrats MB for your win. #cWo4Life

Ballas Loss in the Nick of Time VS DropTheBall - Because, Ballas Loss in the Nick of Time is kinda of annoying to write during these recaps i’m just gonna change his name to Conner. The Terrorist had so much joy watching the Steelers vs Browns game on Sunday in the 1111 Dome. Not cause his RB Conner put up 34.2 points. No. It was the fact Conner is gonna take Bell spot in the Steelers backfield. Conner playing this well does not help the Bell camp at al during his holdout. If Conner plays another game like last weekend, we probably won’t see Bell at all this year. DropTheBall had a lot of bad luck with his TE Greg Olsen hurting his foot and placed on the IR. Well, this is good news in a sense. Now DropTheBall can use our new feature the ‘IR Slot’. Congrats to Conner on the win.

BX Ballbusters VS The TosoLocos - CRIPPLE FIGHT! We all hate the cripple fight. Both these teams should of lost however, one had to be victorious. With, Freeman and Fournette coming out of the game with injuries, it hurts both teams pretty bad. Fournette was TosoLocos very first pick (insert laughter here). I wouldn’t be shocked if Toso gets rid of Prater this week. Missing two field goals! Toso could have won the game with one of those kicks. Bronx Ballbusters, won without any of his players scoring 20 points. With the most points Triple B got was from his defense/Special Teams, which was 19 points. Damn, what really upsets me about this matchup is the teams like myself and JetsFANNYpd lost putting up numbers over 150 points. Ballbuster wins by barley scoring 100 points. Well, that’s Fantasy football for you. Congrats Triple B for his win

JetsfanNYPD vs The Spankers - First off. Amari Cooper sucks. I wouldn’t touch him with a 10 1/2 in pole. He’s a wide receiver that can’t receive. The Spankers knew how bad Cooper was having him last season. JetsFan should really think about getting rid of Cooper and fast. Sell! Sell! Sell! Cooper was the reason for Jetsfannypd loss. The three time champ has a good chance on making the playoffs this year. The only thing that holding his team back is that bum Cooper. Spankers doing very well in all his positions besides in the flex department. Lucky, for the Spankers they have a power arsenal in his bench to replace those players… I feel your pain Jetsfannypd on your loss this week. Congrats to the Spankers for their win this week.

KOLOtripa vs Ryde or Die - Ryde or Die! Ryde or Die! Ryde or Die! What a joke of a champion. ROD from first to worst, scoring the least points the National Ella League this week. Five players on ROD scored only in the single digits. From a team that just had a terrible draft, KOLOtripa rebound this weekend. Losing his 3rd round pick do to an Injury in preseason practice. The now solo owner KOLOtripa blew out the current chump in their matchup. Ballas, has made me proud. He’s been talking his shit again and he’s been participating a lot as well. We thought we have lost Nikita a few years back. Now that he’s riding solo again, he’s back with a vengeance. We thought his 4th round pick Aaron Rodgers had a season ending injury when he got carted off the field. Ballas legit left the chat and started to bitch and moan about his team to me. Then Rodgers came back and put on a clinic. Then Nikita started giving us his stupid smile again. This weekend we get to see Nikita in a gay competition, with his tiny shorts… Oh wait what? It’s not a gay competition? It’s a squatting competition? Whats the difference. Support your fellow NELer this weekend and watch him on the app that Nikita send us in the group chat. Good luck Nikita and congrats on your win this week.

Sparta United vs NY C-Men - The ok team is trying it’s hardest to lose the name of being just ok, with this week picking Sparta United apart and winning the weekly high challenge. Team Owner Greco, wants to prove everyone wrong about his team, including his life mate George. I can only imagine how bad it would have been if it was them two playing each other last week. Coming down to digits for the weekly high. Im sure if it was Conner or Cmen in week one solo cups would have been flying, phones would be thrown and Chris would be mumbling something in the corner that know one would understand. I think we were screwed in the fantasy world not having these two play each other. I think I got screwed playing greco too in week one. Fuck this league, they didn't let me rig it this year. Come on Man! Cobb and Brees went on a straight tare this week. Cobb looks like he will be the lead now that Jordy Nelson is no longer in Green Bay. Congrats Greco again. ‘AAAYYY HERE COMES THE ROOSTER! ‘ By Alice and Chains listen to its a Grecos song of the year.

Weekly Paper Bag of Shame - Ryde Or Die from first to worst. He was so embarrassed he didn’t even show up on Sunday during the games. How can the champ not show up to an NEL event twice! He was at the rule meeting and he wasn't' there for week one. Bum Straight up bum.

Weekly Come On Moment - Goldie not scrambling to trade for RB1 or 2. Bell does not seem to be coming back soon and he’s relying on McCoy to be his lead back till Bell return. COME ON MAN! You’re smarter than that. Didn’t McCoy beat his wife and kids or something? We should call MB Israeli Prison instead of Matza Balls. Thank Abraham for Goldie’s lawyer.

What to look forward for in Week Two - The Classic Anemodouras Bowl is back! Also the Conner Bowl will be held this week with George vs Goldie. Will Conner do what he did last week? Or will the Steelers run to Bell’s house and give him his contract after a terrible Conner game? We will find out this weekend.

Good luck everyone and my the Ella be with you.

-Commish

Commish Recap - Draft Edition

Commish report - Draft Edition

Can you believe it. The National Ella League has done it’s 7th draft already. Labor day weekend has become my New Years. Getting together with all you degenerates every year always gives me a nice warm feeling inside. (now) Solo owner Kolotripa has made the trip out here for the 2nd year of a row. A nice round of applause for him. It really does mean a lot, when we get the whole league together. We are one big happy family. However, coming all the way from Cali kinda made Nikita a little jetlagged don’t you think? Im getting ahead of myself now. I'll discuss that in a bit.. Oh man, but it’s so hard not to mention it. MCKINNON! MCKINNON! Did you see Nikita’s awkward smile when he found out McKinnon was out for season. We talked about it for 10 minutes in the room together Nikita. Stop eating your girly salad and pay attention man. Damn it. There I go again ranting again.

First off I would like to give a moment of silence for one of our founding fathers, Mo. Mo was in this league from the beginning and wanted to be apart of the NEL very badly. Mo was there when I created this league in 2012 in my Ardsley home inside my living room. He will be added back onto the list of new comers. I give one of my best friends not a goodbye, but a good riddance. Mo thank you.

I said this before and I will say it again. The NEL is in a dark age my friends. Franis the owner of Ryde or Die is the champion. No, it wasn’t a bad dream. Yes, it was the worse team in NEL history to win a championship. Scoring the least amount of point in the regular season and  barely breaking 500. I m still in shame losing to him in the playoffs.

Now on the draft. Our teams this season was a lot different than last years teams. What I mean by that is this draft was deep. All our teams looks to have our knockout players. Last year was a transition year for most the NFL teams and players. Too many old players, players losing their jobs and too many rookies and sophomore that were not established yet. Now, we have a pretty good idea who the top dogs are now.

I will go by in order of the draft picks on what I think of each team. I will tell you MY pro and cons for each team and who the sleepers for each team will be.

Sparta United - Sparta went into the draft comfortable with the 1st pick overall. However, a little nervous with his 2nd and 3rd pick. He kept losing his cool during the draft, while glaring at his archrival Ryde or Die owner Francis, with the belt… Sparta United wants nothing more to win the belt for the 2nd time and to prove to the NEL that his championship regin was not a fluke like Francis.     

PRO- Nice pick with Gurley and avoiding Bell. Bell looks like will be missing time for contract disputes. Goldie should call Zeks lawyer from last year to get some intel.

Con- Gronk has not played a full season in years. This could crush Sparta if he gets another injury

Sleeper - Jamaal Williams

Matza Balls - The Running Back Hoarder we like to call him. Seems like he’s losing that rep after his draft this season. Let’s see how well he does in the waiver this season. Goldie seemed very confident pre draft. It was Gurley or it was Bell. He understood that Bell was holding out on his contract. However, he still picked him up. Does he know something that we all don’t know? Is it the eye of the Jew? Our did he seem to be getting greedy like he does every year! MB whole team consists of Felons, Players that have had season ending injuries and players with drug problems. I guess he wants to regain his Chain Gang award for the 2nd year in a row. They should name a prison after you. Matza Balls Correctional Facility head warden Jonathan “Bell” Goldberg. His head of security Josh “I can’t stop smoking weed” Gordon.

PRO - Wentz was my favorite pick up in his draft. Even though he won’t play Thursday Night. He will come back with a force. My opinion he will be the best QB in the NFL this season. Jacksonville Defense will score more points then most of his players.

CON- Bell holding out on his contract is scary. That’s why sparta skipped on him on first pick. Bell, might not show up for a few weeks or even more. McCoy is on a deflated Buffalo Bills. The Bills busted their nut last season making the playoff for the first time since 1999 now they lost their whole team including their offensive line.

Sleeper - Royce Freeman

Spankers - THE SPANKERS CAUSE WE SPANK YOU. SPANK SPANK SPANK. We didn’t hear a lot of that during the draft. I m actually kinda of sad about that. Oh well, its a long season boys and girls. The Spankers went into the draft thinking of one thing on his mind. 3…. The Spankers were about 99.9% that they was getting David Johnson the 3rd pick. But what would he have done if Gurley came to him? If you remember two season ago, Nick took Gurley and had a really bad season. Would he have past on The Gurley Man. Thats a question the Spankers will only know… Can the Spankers make the playoffs this year after a three season draught?

PRO - Besides David Johnson, the Spankers does not have anymore huge home run hitters. However, he has a lot players like Joe Mixon, Crabtree and cousins that won’t put High numbers but not low either. Sometimes a lot of decent players might be better than a few all-stars.

CON - Tyreek Hill with a first year quarterback scares me a lot. Kelcee will be the main target of that team. This team reminds me of my team (Sparta United) last season. Jack Doyle, Cousins, Dez (if he plays). The players are good, (but this might contradict me my previous comments in the Pro category in the spankers) but, too many average players won’t win the big games. I won’t be shocked if the Spankers win games but never win a weekly high this season.

Sleeper - Theo Riddick

DropTheBall - The current TWO time paper bag of shame! DTB drafted like a Giant fan, with his first pick being Barkley (or Bradly whatever that off the boat greek was saying) . In my eyes, he went a bit to early only because the Giants Offense Line was straight up trash last season. I kinda want to see what they would before picking him up. But, he refused to take Zeek. Something about Zeek being a wife beating felon? Goldie, I thought your lawyer cleared his name!

PRO - Loved the Thielen and Howard Combo in the 2nd and 3rd round. I feel like Howard and DA Bears are gonna be a better team then everyone thinks. And now that, the bum Cousins is out of Minnesota, Thielen gonna see much more action especially in the slot, where Krik Cousins refused to throw.

CON - I get the Chris Hogan pick, I really do. Julian Edelman is suspended for few weeks and he’s gonna have some more action now being the number one. However, Brady spreads the ball to all his players with Gronk getting most of the TD passes, just cause he a giant. When Edelman returns he’s gonna see a lot of his catches reduced. A little too early for Chris “Hulk” Hogan in the 4th round. He could have gone later.

Sleeper - Quincy Ennui

BX Ballbusters - Damn Kal. You try so hard to find a rival. But, in the end of the day your just a puppy to us. Your the NEL teddy bear. The host of the Switz Report. You tried and stir something with James, but James can’t take you series. Will Kal ever find a Rival? Maybe, you can create a poll on the new NationalEllaLeague.com webpage on finding a rival.

PRO - I loved Ballbusters mid draft. Players like Evan Engram, Garoppolo. But most importantly he picked up Peyton Barber. With the Bucs QB missing for a few games their offense is gonna rely on the run heavy.

CON - He really wanted that running back. Brown is the best wide receiver in the NFL. You skipped Brown for a running back that lost his starting center. Sure Zeek is a beast. But, Brown if healthy can catch anything. The defense is gonna know to rush Zeek cause that's the only weapon Dallas have now.

Sleeper - Peyton Barber

NY C-Men - The 2018 Golden Douche himself. Cmen is haunted with the name 'just being ok' and not making the playoffs since year three of the NEL. Even when he has a good team Cmen cant catch a break with either injuries or bad schedule. Last season Cmen had the 5th highest point in the NEL and still didn’t make the playoffs. Cmen had a dream, that this year Cmen is turning over a new leaf. He dedicating his life to fantasy football. He has become MR fantasy. He wants that belt more than anyone… This is the year of the Greco..... Then he woke up next to Michael Fabiano. James you dirty whore you.

PRO - Brown fell right into his lap. Then in the second round picked up AJ Green. AJ green can easily be first round pick again next season. Really am scared of the combo in week one against Greco.

CONS - Lamar Miller is a big fat bum. Every year he drops further back in the draft. He will not be starting by the end of the year. I could put money on it. Cmen will need to look out for a replacement for Miller. He should check the waivers for some backup Running backs, because his team is need of them.

Sleeper - Josh Doctson

Ryde or Die - I m so happy Francis sucks at drafting. I mean seriously? How’d you win a championship? We all deserve a paper bag of shame after you winning with that team you drafted. “Dimitri Stop” in his annoying voice. Francis, needs to stop eating food and pay attention to the draft time. “Frank you have a minute left!” I would say “WAIT IM UP?!” Francis said in his nasally voice. Francis will go first to worst this season.

PRO - Picked a good defense

CON - Seriously? Did a kindergartener draft this team? He picks the same players every season. I can’t anymore. NEXT!

Sleeper - Himself when he eats from the paper bag this season

The TosoLocos - The divorce is finalized and Spiro finally has his own team in the NEL. Coming off a huge loss in the Finals to that jerk francis. Spiro went wild in the draft. Picking who ever he wanted to. Do you think he pick players early? Hell yes he did. But you cant judge his logic till mid season.... Now back to Spiro joining the NEL. I’ve never heard someone more cheerful then Spiro when he found out he got his own team in the NEL. Yes, he loved working with Nikita. And Nikita loved him too. But, Spiro acted like he just won a 10 million dollar scratch off when he heard he was getting his own team.

PROS - I feel like running back Penny from the SeaHawks will have a very good year. In my eyes I think he went too late.

CONS- Sterling Shepard in the 5th round

Sleeper - Anthony Miller

JetsfanNYPD - The three time champ is also the Yahoo Paper champion. For real? Seriously, every other year Jetsfan wins the belt and it this year is considered a “Brian Year”. He got players that he should have never seen with the 9th pick. Brian is like the worst champion ever. He does not gloat at all. He does not talk shit. Hell he barely in the group chat. Brian if your not talking in the group chat when you retire next year, I m gonna kick your ass. Lets get Brian to get more involved with the league. Brian, I want you to come to my place every weekend to watch the games. Or… Or…… I’ll arrest you myself. #FTP

PROS - Kamara went 9th? Really? We skipped Kamara for Fournette. Seriously? Jetsfan got a very generous gift from his fellow NEL’ers. Especially, with Mark Ingram out for few games due to suspension. Kamara will be the new beast mode

CONS - Not a big fan of Jetsfans wide outs. Cooper from Oakland is a giant cluts that can’t catch the ball. Alshon Jeffries is a bum and never get his targets and Robert Woods is gonna lose time with Cooks in LA Now. I think Yahoo picked Jetsfan as paper champion because he has Tom Brady as his QB.

Sleeper - Cole Beasley

Chanx - The Puke brothers were hating on the 10th pick during the draft. I mean so would I. But I think they should be happy on who’d they drafted. Last year I did not like their team at all. This season, I think they have one of the scariest teams in the NEL, once again. It really depends on Old Man Fitz to see how strong their team really is. #cWo

PRO - McCaffrey and Ingram carried my team last season and Chanx team has a little more upside then my team last year. OBJ could easily be the best WR in the nfl.

CON - Not a big Sanders fan. He will have a one really big game and then a lot of 4 point games. He might be the most inconsistent player in the nfl.

Sleeper - Chris Godwin

KOLOtripa - Something is telling me Spiro and Nikita really missed each other during the draft. McKinnon, McKinnon, McKinnon. It’s haunting Nikita.  How’d didn’t did you hear us talk about it for 10 minutes before the draft? Were you too busy stretching your calves? Or too busy stretching your asshole with that rubber band thingy you brought to the draft. Seriously man, instead of talking about how fit you are and how many squat on a dick you can do you should of listen to Goldie blab about McKinnon tearing his ACL instead. But we did have a good laugh from that. Actually Three times we had good laughs. Kolotripa picked someone that got dropped three times. McKinnon, Dan Bailey and Bryant. Jesus man. The paper bag is coming home!

PRO - Julio Jones going into the 2nd round is crazy for me. Especially with Hunt going in the 1st. Great Combo.

CON - Even with the mistake with McKinnon I still think it was questionable to take Aaron Rodgers the next pick. Nikita should have went RB or WR to replace the point for McKinnon.

Sleeper - McKinnon

BalasLossinNikofTime- I guess he does not mind the 12 pick at all anymore. Especially drafting next to Nikita. BLNT, almost committed suicide when he found out about drafting 12th. Really, it was one of the best picks in the draft this season. #TeamParrot #WhoIsChris

PRO - I’ve always hated Jarvis Landry. But I think this year is the year he breaks out and become one of the best WR in the NFL.

CONS - Nothing. His team is perfect. Seriously, I just don’t want to hear him cry in the group chat for 4 days straight #KeyboardWarrior

Sleeper -  AP

I think this year draft was one of the best. We did it in record time 3 hours and 20 minutes. Please be patient with the NationalEllaLeague.com page. It’s still not 100%. I love you guys and may the ella be with you all this season. Good luck

#YearofMcKinnon

Moxit: Mo leaves the NEL

It was a sad day for the NEL.  One of the original members, Mo, has left the NEL...